Glitter and Graduate Studies

A decent read

2011-08-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

Last time I went to the library, I got a book on CD to listen to while I drove here and there. I like having a book to listen to because even with all the stations, sometimes there just isn't anything good on, LoL!
This last book was pretty good; I wouldn't have necessarily taken the time to sit down and read it but it was nice to listen to in the car.

29 Gifts in 29 Days: The book

The webpage that corresponds with the book

Can you give me a hand down off my soapbox after this?

2011-08-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

     I was helping my dad stake and tie up the corn today and thinking about someone's status update on FB that I saw. She had posted, "Religion, property, and government.. Domination of man's mind, needs, and conduct. Just a thought!" and had then proceeded to badmouth all of the three things and how she (and her friends) wished they could live without any regulations. I'm giving her some grace because she's only 19, but seriously?!
     It's like my family's garden... It would be wonderful if we could just throw some seeds out there and they would grow perfectly happy and healthy without any intervention from us. But they don't. We have to take the time to plant them, cover them, water them, weed them, ensure they're protected from crazy winds (stakes and twine!), and give them time, and then we able to harvest them. We don't dominate the land, we guide and support it. If we didn't, the weeds would overtake the few seeds that were able to take root on top of the soil and the wind would blow over most of the crops that were actually growing and producing fruit. And while I admit that I think that some of the flowers that grow on the weeds are pretty and I actually wish we could leave them be, if we did that our whole vegetable garden would become a very pretty but very worthless flowerweed garden.
     I'll be the first to say that there are some things wrong with today's religion, property, and government situation but that's because we live in a fallen world. Yes there are bad people in high places but there are a lot more good people in lower places and in the grand scheme of things, the multitudes can overpower. It takes getting up and doing something about the situation but it surely beats sitting around (blabbing your FB jaws) waiting for everything to get worse. And feel free to call me on this- if I complain about something, ask me what I've done to change it; if I haven't done anything about it, I'll shut my mouth and put on a smile. Just be forewarned that I will probably call you on it, too ;)

The end of the Newberg chapter

2011-06-30T13:51:00.000-07:00

I have officially moved from Newberg back to Salem! I've been working on packing up all of my stuff over the last month or so, a little here and a little there, but all of my accouterments that were headed to Salem are now there.

Here is a picture of the townhouse I have been renting with a few friends for the last two years.

(This is a google street view picture because right now they're residing our complex so there's a disastrous mess in the street and my house looks like it's shedding its skin with all of the colored siding pulled off and the black tarp-ish stuff billowing in the wind.)

Goodbye, Newberg.

You have been a wonderful town and I thank you for the many experiences you provided. I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for you!

♪ All I want is you, can I be your bride? Take me by the hand & stand by my side ♪

2011-06-26T09:54:00.000-07:00

So that's not quite the words to the song but it's close enough, LoL! This is my first post about wedding stuff and I am SO excited; it's less than a year away and I feel like it cannot come soon enough. Right now I'm working on picking out a venue and then Dave and I can decide on a date (in June of 2012) and I feel like things will just start rolling after that J

Things I have done already:

Picked my colors: Turquoise aqua and satin yellow with varying shades of grey

Found my dress: White and with lots of sparkles

But other than that, not much has been picked out and finalized. I keep going to the stores and coming home with tons of ideas but I feel like until I have a venue and a date, I don't want to do a whole lot of wedding prep. Plus, I think having a solid day and place will make it easier for me to just start piecing things together. So yay for the next couple of weeks- wish me luck as I go on site visits to the different venues. My mom and I have six different places on our list so far so we'll see which one we like best and I'll be sure to update my 'done' list!

Thank you. From a roller girl...

2011-06-23T09:15:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I play roller derby. We train, and practice, and have teams, and are part of a league. My team practices two or three nights a week for 2 or 3 hours. And we have bouts- which are kind of like our version of 'games' or 'meets'. It's actually a really fun sport :)

Here are a couple of links for some more information:
Wiki's definition of women's roller derby.
Women's Flat Track Derby Association's homepage.

Here I am playing my favorite position, Pivot.

And here I am doing one of my favorite things as a Pivot... Messing with the other team's pivot.
(She's yelling at the ref to call a foul on me but if you notice, neither of her toe-stops are on the line so she had no 'rights' as pivot- aka I was not committing a foul. Toe- stop positioning, mine and the opponent's, is one of the things I check for every time I go up to the line for this very reason.)

And this is what a good 3-man wall looks like. Notice how I'm touching both of my teammates- this is how I 'see' where they are when I'm in front of them. The pivot often ends up in the front so this is important.
Also, Golden (the girl with short hair on my team) is looking back all the way, I'm looking to Golden, and Gypsy (the girl with longer hair on my team) is looking to me and Golden- when everyone is doing this well, this is the most effective way to keep track of everything going on ALL over the track.

It's fun and it's rough and it's like playing any other sport- sometimes I hate it and sometimes I love it. But I've stuck with it for over a year now and I've made some amazing friends and have been inspired by some of the strong women I skate with. I have also been pissed at some of the stupid stunts that have been pulled and frustrated when our governing board seems to grind to a bureaucratic hault. Overall though, it's an awesome part of my life. And I'm lucky enough to have family and friends who support this habit. Dave comes to our scrimmage every Tuesday night and has been to all of my bouts. My parents, sister, cousins (Hi Whitney!), and friends (Hi Joy!) have all seen me play in a bout. And you all give me grace when I can't hang out because I have to go to practice, bring the water cooler to the locker room at a bout when I forgot it at home, and dress up/make signs/yell loudly/show up at my bouts creating a presence so noticeable that people start calling it Cherry's Cheering Section! I can't tell you how much I appreciate everything :)

THANK YOU!

Thank you to all involved in my skating! You are my awesome home team that gives me the support I need to go out and skate with my Raiders!

My team at the last bout! I'm in the center of the mob somewhere, LoL

And another one joins the circle

2011-06-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

Just in case you all are bored with my regular blog, I just started a second one that focuses just on projects of mine. I'm going to keep this blog for my random postings about life but I wanted a place where I could post only updates on specific projects. And this way, in case anyone else is interested in the same endeavors I am, they can search and find that blog and not necessarily be connected to my regular life.

So here's the link to my new blog. Hope you enjoy!

(Warning: This post is long!) Dissertation

2011-06-15T16:13:00.000-07:00

I officially changed my dissertation topic- woohoo!

I decided that I had had enough with banging my head against the (ever changing) old topic. Call me selfish but I wanted a project that I was calling the shots on, one that I didn't write an entirely new draft of every month or so, one that didn't make me appear like a lazy slacker in front of my committee.
For those that don't know the back story, here's a shortened version.

One of my committee members, (the most dominant, passive-aggressive, manipulating professor in my program who I shall refer to as Dr. TwoFace), 'suggested' that I take on her project since my contacts for my previous dissertation weren't being as helpful as they promised. She stated that she was, "...looking out for my best interest," and that I had been, "...specifically picked out," for this prestigious project that would be so easy to complete. I panicked. I thought that my professors had to have been seriously concerned with my dissertation project to meet and talk about giving me this new one. I felt special that they were looking out for me. So I took on her research.

That was a mistake. While I freely admit that no one held a gun to my head, I did not sign up for what ensued. The official hypothesis kept changing as did the variables. This meant that every time I spent 10 or so hours creating a draft and then turned it into my advisor, it came back as needing a complete overhaul because the main components had changed. This meant more research, more writing, more time.
When I was finally ready for a preliminary defense, I went in with what I felt like was a great 'Chapter 1', (the necessary documents for a preliminary defense). However, not only did my defense take almost an hour, (most take 15 minutes), but Dr. TwoFace completely dominated the meeting. This is particularly unusual as my advisor, (I'll call her Dr. Pleasant), should have been the main voice, my other committee member, (I'll call her Dr. Friend), should have been the second most vocal, and then Dr. TwoFace. But no. I don't think my other two committee members said but 20 words during the whole hour. And Dr. TwoFace grilled me on my paper, stated that it, "...wasn't what we have come to expect from (me). This wasn't Amanda level work," and then asked why I didn't know more about my variables. I tried to explain that they had changed so many times but I could barely form a sentence I was so stunned. Luckily, Dr. Friend asked for a two-minute bathroom break after about 30 minutes of this torture and I was able to walk to the bathroom and let out the tears I was barely holding back at this point. I came back, fresh faced, and completely crushed. I was feeling only an inch tall but I was determined to not let my committee know. (Although I know Dr. Friend knew, she knows me pretty well.) They then spent the next twenty minutes changing around what my official question should be and what my hypothesis would be and which variables I would use. They spent 20 minutes discussing and debating and deciding these key parts of my dissertation. They didn't know them before now. HOW IN THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO HAVE KNOWN THEM?! I am not a freaking mind reader. I went with the information I had at the moment and had done my best. I then left the room while they debated my passing status, (which is normal), and when I came back in, I was told I was being granted a preliminary pass. That meant that there was a lot to change in my dissertation but they wanted to see me continue with this project. I was also told that this was only because Dr. Pleasant had promised to work closely with me on it, (which is what she should have been doing anyways since she was my advisor). Reading between the lines- Dr. TwoFace had wanted to fail me but wanted me to do her research for her and so had made it very clear that she would give me a preliminary pass with the explicit direction that Dr. Pleasant needed to work on polishing my work.

Fast forward a couple of months. I am working on yet again another draft of this dissertation. I have spent so much time and effort on it and yet I have not gotten any closer in the writing aspect of this project. All I have done is spend almost fifty hours analyzing and scoring videos and analyzing and scoring written reports, aka- collecting data. But the variables keep changing. And I was growing tired of spending so many hours and not having anything to show for it.

So I created an entirely new project, got it in the works, and started collecting data. Once I had a solid start on it, I went in and told my advisor what I had done. She was caught off-guard, to say the least. I told her that the old project wasn't all for naught- I had a flash drive of all of my data, writings, and a folder of research articles that I was willing to hand over to Dr. TwoFace and that she could analyze it all to her heart's content without needing to reference me on any of her findings or article write-ups. But as far as I was concerned, I had made up my mind and there was no going back. I offered to tell the rest of my committee but she said she'd take care of it. The next meeting I had with her she seemed more coherent and we talked stats (her forte) and how to prove my hypotheses. She also said that while they weren't really sure what to do with me, my other committee members had agreed to let me take on a new project. (Actually, she said that Dr. Friend had said she would go along with whatever Dr. TwoFace and Dr. Pleasant decided. Which is weird because she's actually the expert on the new topic I'm researching but again, Dr. TwoFace's intimidation beats down even her fellow professors.) So they decided that I could go ahead and work on my new topic- and by 'they' I mean Dr. TwoFace probably said it was ok because the other two said it was fine and she didn't want her dominance to be too apparent. But they had one stipulation; they want me to write a brief, one-page letter. The first paragraph should explain what I learned on my old project and why my new dissertation is better for me and a better it for my scholastic/career path. The main body of the letter should be what I would change about my journey to this point or, "If you could go back and change things in your process, what would they be?" I got the impression that this is supposed to be my apology paragraph for being so 'problematic' and being so 'unprofessional' about this whole thing. In fact, Dr. Pleasant stated this will, "...hopefully assist in your professional development. Reflecting on a not-so-smooth process will help with your professional presentation and hopefully help to develop some more professionalism in your research because you know, internship and the outside world... you have to be able to work with, for research, work professionally." Yeah. Seriously?! I can quote directly from every single practicum review about my strengths at working in a team. Not to be boastful, but this year's practicum site was specifically designed for me because I have such great teamwork skills, not only with peers or professors but with sites and different systems. So suddenly all of my previous four years of exhibiting "fantastic" professional team-working has been washed away because I changed my dissertation.

That letter is not going to be what they are expecting.

I am going to be polite.
I am going to be respectful.
I am not going to be passive aggressive.
I am not going to apologize for anything that was not my fault.
I am not going to sugarcoat anything just to spare someone's feelings.
I am not going to exaggerate or make false claims.
I am going to tell them simply, from my point of view, what I would have changed/

~My new dissertation~

This research projects looks at a new computerized intervention and its usefulness in the school setting. I'm evaluating 'Camp Cope-A-Lot', which is a computerized treatment based on 'Coping Cat', for its applicability in improving classroom environments. Because CCAL has only been around for two years, it has only been used as it was originally intended- with one client, one therapist, and parents. All of my research on 'Coping Cat', (which has been around for a long time and is considered an evidence-based treatment), shows that is is wonderful for working with kids with anxiety. So I took a class that had a high-anxiety feel to its social atmosphere and adapted CCAL to be run as a group with them. And I'm looking to see if/how it is effective and what changes between pre and post program.

I had parents and the teacher fill out a pre and post program behavioral assessment on each child and I evaluated them and ran them all through the statistical analyses. Right now, I'm playing with all my numbers and deciding how I want to write up my results. I have a firm, ready to go, no more edits needed, Chapter 1. I know exactly how to talk about the meanings of my research. I am currently about a bazillion times further than I was on my old dissertation.

I am actually looking forward to presenting this dissertation at my final defense. I enjoy researching the topic. I am SO HAPPY about MY dissertation!

This is the kind of neighbor I want to be more like!

2011-03-31T11:14:00.001-07:00

This article totally made my day :) and I just wanted to share it with you all! http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/07/28/mf.mrrogers.neighbor/index.html

Whoops!

2011-02-02T14:52:00.001-08:00

It's been a while since I've posted on here... Whoops, my bad, LoL! Things have been pretty crazy around here so here's just a quick recap of the past few months.

*I had a wonderful Christmas season with family and friends :D
I spent Christmas Eve in Portland with Dave, Devin, and Erica, and Christmas in Salem with Dave, Mom, Dad, and Angela, (and Tula, Samantha, Midnight, & Spot). New Year's Eve was spent at the coast with Dave and our friends from church.

*I interviewed at my potential internship sites... This meant a trip to the East Coast so of course Dave came along (YAY!) and we made a whirlwind tour of houses visiting his entire family :)
It was great to see everyone again and we really enjoyed seeing familiar faces throughout the week. I also interviewed at some Oregon sites but the longest drive for those was only 20 minutes so not too much to comment on as far as travels, LoL.

*I got new roller skates for derby! My second bout is February 11th and I'm super stoked to debut 'em :)

*I found out that I'll have a second cousin in six months~ Congrats to Jody and Whitney! I'm so excited to spoil their lil' one :D

*My little sister moved into her first apartment with a friend from her nursing program. Helping her move in reminded me so much of moving into my first apartment, LoL :) My Angela-bo-Bangela is growing up!

And this month will bring: Ranking day (the 9th) where we rank our internships sites based on preference, my second derby bout (the 11th) with an Anti-Valentine's Day theme, Dave and my one year's anniversary (the 15th), and Match day (the 25th) where I find out exactly where I'll be for my internship.

♥ Bring it on, world! ♥

Lord, please help my ♥ to be like yours

2010-11-18T14:57:00.000-08:00

God has really been putting this on my heart lately and I can't stop thinking about the world and my role in it but not of it.

Romans 12~ A Living Sacrifice
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Humble Service in the Body of Christ
3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[a] faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
Love in Action
9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[e]

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Also...

John 3:17- For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

John 15:19- If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

John 14:19- Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live.

He's got my ♥

2010-11-11T22:19:00.000-08:00

If anyone asks me, I'm happy to tell them all about what makes Dave so amazing and wonderful. Heck, sometimes I tell people even if they don't ask! But usually I'm not one to gush on and on... This time I just have to. I have to share a couple of texts he sent me because they'll help to explain just how I know he's my One.

Last night- "Hawny, I love you. Why are you so good to me all the time? You are a blessing. Claim every promise of God tomorrow and know that you are in my heart and in my prayers. I love you with all my heart and as long as we are on this earth together I want to be with you."
"Sleep well. I love you with all my heart."

Today- "Hawny, do I make you feel like you're still one of my greatest pursuits? I just want you to know I still want you as badly as I did the day I told you I loved you and while we may be familiar with one another now, you are still the greatest adventure I've ever been on. I love you and I want you to know you are precious to me."
"Actually, I need you to know. My life makes sense with you in it. I love you with my whole heart."

He knows the past couple of months have been trying and, while I'm keeping an upbeat and positive outlook overall, he recognizes when I start to slip and slide a little. I don't even have to tell him I'm losing traction; he just senses it and does something to steady me. Sometimes it's flowers for 'no reason' and other times it's a nice date-night in and this time it was these texts.

I love him.

Roller Derby

2010-07-25T21:08:00.001-07:00

I'm officially a Level 2 skater now :) YAYAYAYAYAY!

To put this in context:

When you first start in roller derby, you are considered a Level 1 skater. If you're just beginning on skates and are trying to get the basic basics down, you're an "Intermediate Level 1". But if you've got the basic basics down but you haven't done derby specific stuff before, you're an "Advanced Level 1". (I was an Advanced Level 1.) After Level 1 is Level 2 which is where you've got the basic moves of derby but you haven't finessed them and you haven't put plays into use. Essentially, it's where you learn how to take the raw skills and turn them into fluid 'moves' and 'plays'. Then it's on up to Level 3 which is the highest and is where you are considered "draftable". This is where, after they've watched you practice for a bit, teams can pick you to join them and then when a bout is coming up you practice with your specific team exclusively and that's who you skate with at the bout. Cherry City Derby Girls (my league) has 4 teams: Thrill Kill Kittens, Dolls of Anarchy, Panty Raiders, and Rydell Belles.
So that's a basic layout of our advancement schedule.

Every 3-6 months or so, they have "Level Up Testing" which is where you can attempt to pass physical and written tests to move up to the next level. This last week was a chance for the Advanced Level 1 girls to test up to Level 2 if they wanted to. Everyone had been working super hard so we all decided to test up. We spent extra time practicing the necessary skills and maneuvers and we held study groups for the rules and regulations. Luckily it paid off big time! We were the first chunkette of girls to ALL PASS together!! We had 7 hours of testing and then a written test (took about 30 minutes or less), spread out over 3 sessions, and today at the league meeting it was announced that our whole group was moving up to Level 2 :D We were SOOOO excited!! There's 12 of us and it was so wonderful to be able to go up in front of the rest of the league and have all of us standing there.

Hopefully, in another 4ish months I'll be posting and saying that I'm a Level 3 skater :)
My goal is to skate in a bout before I have to leave for internship and I think that as long as I keep working at it, I should be able to make that happen.

I'll make sure to tell you all when it is so you can come see me and my team skate if you want :D *hint, hint* LoL!

♥ Love you ♥

It's my first time posting pictures everyone :)

2010-06-28T16:05:00.001-07:00

So here's some pictures from a few recent "adventures" Dave and I have gone on :) LoL!

A trip to Ikea

My first trip to "Yocream" and I've been hooked ever since!

Dave's new side-job is to pilot the rocketships at Fred Meyers

Tuesday's cleaning

2010-05-25T10:37:00.000-07:00

So I'm trying out a few new cleaning products and I figured I'd give you all my review of them in case you were thinking of trying some of them. Not that I should be your decision-maker on whether or not to buy them but just so you can have the humble opinion of another greenie-in-training ;)

Biokleen Soy Toilet Scrub-
I like it for general maintainance cleaning but I'm not sure how it would perform on stains as (luckily) the people who lived here before me kept the bathroom clean and my roommates and I have been keeping it that way, too.

Seventh Generation Chlorine Free Bleach- Free and Clear-
Worked fantastically on a couple of spots on my white washclothes! I don't know how colorsafe it is but I LOVE that it doesn't smell like regular bleach.

Method Squeeky Clean Dryer Cloths- Sweet Water-
These are my new favorite laundry assistant! I grew up on soft water and didn't realize how much of an impact this had on my laundry until I moved away and I've been searching for something that would make my clothes feel more like I like them since I moved away for undergrad. I tried all sorts of laundry softeners and dryer sheets and hadn't had any luck until I used these lil' guys. You can use each one in at least two loads and I usually use them for three.

Well summer started off with a bang :)

2010-05-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in bed, at nine in the morning, drinking a cuppa coffee, and watching the Today Show. It is finally summer! While the weather outside would argue this point with me, I finally feel like the beginning of a break is upon me. This morning I got up, cleaned the kitchen, made a delicious edemame & Romano cheese omelet, and then I cleaned out my bathroom drawers and wiped down the counter. And pretty soon I think I'm going to take a nap :)
Then it's time to work on my dissertation and work out. This is probably how a lot of my days this summer are going to go and I am SO excited for that! I've been running around here and there and everywhere- Indiana for a wedding, Salem to work at the clinic for my dad, the beach for a women's retreat with my church girls, etc... But now it's mostly just little things here and there with breaks in between and lots of days like today.

My long-term goals for the summer (in no particular order):
1) Finish my dissertation
2) Write my internship application essays
3) Grow a successful patio garden
4) Accomplish all of my random house cleaning/maintenance projects
5) Complete at least 5 of my sewing projects
6) Figure out which sites I plan on applying to for internship
7) Conquer my allergies through an all-natural regimen
8) Meet Dave's family in Delaware
9) Pass my skills requirements for roller derby
10) Start a quality scrapbook
11) Help my mom design and create her ideal bedroom
12) Assist my dad in the garden in Salem so we can grow all the yummies we want to
13) Pick, and can or dry or freeze or jammify, as many fruits as possible
14) Go through my entire wardrobe and sell or donate whatever I don't really use

And I'm sure I'll add some more to this list but for now, this is all I can think of, LoL! Alright, time to work on my dissertation a bit and then take a nap (YAY!). I love you all :)

♥

A bit of a new direction :)

2010-05-09T17:15:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't been blogging much lately for a number of reasons...
1) The last push from Spring Break into Summer Break is pretty brutal in school.
2) I'm becoming more active in my new church
3) Dave and I are building a beautiful relationship together
4) Between classes, finals, projects, practicum, assessments, work, church, and my dissertation, seriously, is there even time for anything else?
5) I feel like if I'm going to write a blog it should be worth the time and effort and it should be all large and polished and what-not.

So now that some of these things have become less (school stuff) and I'm getting used to other things (church stuff) and I'm letting go of cares about number 5, I've decided to start blogging about my latest kick. Being responsible. And by responsible I mean eco-conscious, environmentally careful, socially aware, ethically and morally convicted, constantly thinking about my own impact on the people and animals and things around me.

The biggest change I've noticed so far is in how I shop. I'm a shopaholic, I mean let's just call a spade a spade. I'm a terrible shopping madwoman. And honestly, that's actually never going to change because I just love it and I don't think it's a problem ('wait, isn't that what addicts say about their addictions?!'). But what I have changed is what I buy, or more aptly said, what I don't buy. I've been reading a lot of books and research websites that analyze all sorts of consumer goods and look at everything that goes into getting an item on a store shelf.

And while it is admittedly a bit more expensive up-front, I've decided that: if I can't afford to buy it correctly than I don't need to buy it at all, the irresponsible decisions cost me more in the long run, and if it's something that I can't find a good option for- would I really be able to enjoy the bad one? what do I really honestly need? is that something that I truly would die without?.

I'm not saying that everyone should do this. I'm not trying to scold or sound self-righteous. This is a choice that I have made based on countless hours of research into just what it is I buy and countless hours of self-analysis regarding why I do what I do and why I buy what I buy. While I would be the first one to encourage people to make steps towards being more green-minded, I'm making absolutely sure that I keep my finger-wagging to a minimum, (because honestly, I'll probably say something if you throw away a soda can when there's a recycling bin ten feet away).

My most recent thing has been to research not just the companies but also the ingredients of my make-up and other skin/hair products. I was absolutely disgusted by what I found out (like I literally almost threw up a little when I thought about what I've been putting on my body for it to soak up). Luckily I was almost out of a couple of things so I just purchased the next ones more responsibly but I did have to part with some fairly full bottles of lotion and some less than half-empty containers of make-up. But I didn't want to waste anything ('cause that would be a little anti-productive too) so I told my friends and family friends that I had this stuff and I told them why I was getting rid of it but then said that if they didn't care they could have it all, and I got rid of almost everything. Kind of a weird feeling- handing this stuff that I deemed too toxic for me over to my loved ones but I gave them the information and most of them said they really didn't care and thought it was silly to worry about 'something so little'. And like I said, I'm not going around telling other people they should do exactly what I'm doing. But anywho, that's the current kick I'm on. And I'm putting the link down here for anyone else who wants to check it out.

I'm going to start posting more often- probably usually on my latest green adventure or eco-discovery or tasty nugget of information.

I love you all!

http://planetgreen.discovery.com/fashion-beauty/care2-toxic-beauty-ingredients.html

♥ Fantastic News ♥

2010-02-19T13:00:00.001-08:00

So I figured this would be the easiest way to get the news to some of my closest friends and family. I have a new boyfriend. LoL, it may not sound like the biggest story of the year, but for me it is :) He's wonderful and I can't wait for you all to meet him! Here's a quick run-down of the facts ;)

His name is Dave and he is 25 years old. He has beautiful brown eyes and dark hair.
We met at a coffeehouse on Saturday and ended up talking for 4.5 hours.
He works as a social worker/case manager/house manager for a group home, for a company in Portland.
He's originally from Delaware and then moved to Indiana to attend Indiana Wesleyan University where he was an RA and graduated in 4 years with his BS in Psychology.
His brother moved out to Oregon and when Dave came to visit he fell in love with the area and moved out here, too.
He plays bass in his church's worship band and occasionally fills in with a lesson when his pastor is out of town.
He makes me laugh all the time because we have the exact same sense of humor and the same random way of tracking and changing subjects mid-conversation.
We both have Inner-Geeks and think it's adorable when the other's IG comes out and plays.

Long story short, he's amazing! :) Who want's to meet him first?

♥

Slightly offended

2010-02-11T18:12:00.000-08:00

I was watching Rachel Ray today while I was working out, (a show I normally don't have a problem with), but one of the audience Q&A participants asked a great question and I was horrified by the response from the host and co-host.

She stood up and basically said, "Well, due to some problems I've had in the past, I've decided to start saving myself for marriage from now on. *mixed applause* My problem is, when I tell guys I'm getting to know about this, they either think it's a joke or I'm just making them work for it. How can I get them to take me seriously? Because I am."
The hosts, at first, were supportive of this idea, "Well good for you!" But soon they started laughing and were like, "Yeah, I can see how that would be a problem. No guy is going to just believe that off the bat. I mean, good for you by waiting to see if they're really invested, if they really care about you than they should wait for you."
And then things went downhill, "But maybe you two should watch '40 Year Old Virgin' and, like they do the whole 20 date thing, maybe you could do that. Like after 20 dates or after 3 months, you two could *innuendo eyebrows* you know. Then you'd know that they were actually invested in you. But after like a few months, you know, to give them light at the end of the tunnel." *laughter* "Yeah, give them a little something to look forward to."
That was the end of that Q&A.

Seriously?! I felt like they were saying that if a guy hangs around long enough, regardless of the emotions, you should sleep with him because he's earned it. WTH? Something just struck me wrong about this conversation on a 'preparations for Valentine's day' episode of a daytime talk show. A guy should be able to earn sex- or a girl should be able to, for that matter. Personally, I feel like sex is something to be shared, not earned by one party from another. What is this world coming to? Plus, is it only about sex? Shouldn't there be more to look forward to in a relationship than sex? Don't get me wrong, I think that it's a very important part of a loving marriage. But there needs to be more than that... right? Maybe I'm just ignorant about this. I hold no claims as to the knowledge of married life or even dating-with-sex life. I guess it's just my humble opinion; take it as you will.

Just thought I'd share...

2010-02-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

So my devotional today really touched my heart and it made me so happy I just wanted to share it with all of you. Here it is:

Are You Exhausted Spiritually?
Exhaustion means that our vital energies are completely worn out and spent. Spiritual exhaustion is never the result of sin, but of service. Whether or not you experience exhaustion will depend on where you get your supplies. Jesus said to Peter, "Feed My sheep," but He gave him nothing with which to feed them (John 21:17). The process of being made broken bread and poured-out wine means that you have to be the nourishment for other people's souls until they learn to feed on God. They must drain you completely- to the very last drop. But be careful to replenish your supply, or you will quickly be utterly exhausted. Until others learn to draw on the life of the Lord Jesus directly, they will have to draw on His life through you. You must literally be their source of supply, until they learn to take their nourishment from God. We owe it to God to be our best for His lambs and sheep, as well as for Him. Have you delivered yourself over to exhaustion because of the way you have been serving God? If so, then renew and rekindle your desires and affections. Examine your reasons for service. Is your source based on your own understanding or is it grounded on the redemption of Jesus Christ? Continually look back to the foundation of your love and affection and remember where your Source of power lies. You have no right to complain, "O Lord, I am so exhausted." He saved and sanctified you to exhaust you. Be exhausted for God, but remember that He is your supply. "All my springs are in you" (Psalm 87:7).

The verse on the side was: The everlasting God...neither faints nor is weary. Isiah 40:28.

This reminds me to work harder and harder for my clients in order to show them God's love through me. For some of my clients, I am the most stabilizing force they have ever known and we only meet for an hour a week. (That is meant compassionately, not arrogantly.) I am their window to a better world where someone cares about them and is actively invested in seeing them improve. And it takes a lot of emotional and mental strength to sit there with them and contain their chaos and try to help them make sense of it. But I love it. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what He has called me to do. So exhaustion is something I should view more as a reward than as failure on my part. I'm tired because I'm working hard to serve, not because I am bad at my job or am 'just a student'. I welcome exhaustion- bring it!

I ♥ my life. And I ♥ you :)

Dissy and Lisi

2010-02-03T13:50:00.000-08:00

So this one is just kind of a brief update on my life- exciting stuff ;) I know, LoL!

Well today I handed in the first draft of my dissertation for preliminary board review. Let me explain this. It's not my full dissy. It's just the abstract and introduction and methods which are built upon a mix of already existent data & what my research is going to look at & how I'll contribute to the psych world, an explanation of the available research literature, and how my experiment is going to be run, respectively. Yup, 3 sections that took 12 pages to go through. But I completed all of the research for it and wrote it in only two weeks so I'm pretty stinking proud of myself! It was extremely time consuming but it's done :) Yay! And now I don't have to think about it for another week and a half while my RVT prof is going through it. Then it'll be back to the grindstone with it because trust me, this is a really rough draft. But I worked hard and handed it in and now I feel great!

I've also been pretty busy with neuropsych assessment and learning the new assessments and having my competency trials and learning how to interpret them and reading the massive amounts of required readings each week. I love this class so much but I'm not a big fan of the reading load, LoL! I keep reminding myself that it'll all be worth it when I know what I'm doing at next year's practicum site in regards to neuropsych testing of clients...

Which brings me to my next point. We're all starting to plan for our practicum sites next year and I'm looking at a medical site to round out my CV (the crazy resume/curriculum vita for internship applications). So I'll be sending in applications and having interviews here this month and into next month. Good thing all of my fancy pants and snazzy tops are dry cleaned or washed and pressed ;)

And I'm actually keeping up with my Life is Simple binder- or Lisi, as I call her. It may sound silly but I feel like giving her a name has made her more friendly and less scary or demanding. I adore her :) and I'm learning new ways to utilize her. I add and subtract things that she carries for me, I add little decorations and pretties to her, and I keep her close by almost all the time.

So that's where I am right now. Trying to keep up with school and friends and family. Tomorrow night is Friendly Dinner :D I can't wait!

Yay for Fridays!

2010-01-15T14:37:00.000-08:00

I think Fridays are going to be one of my favorite days of the week this semester, not just because they kick-off the weekend, but because of the things on my agenda for them.

Today, for example, I went for a run with Chloe- a classmate who lives in Portland but stays over at my place in Newberg on Thursday nights. She's amazing :) She invited me on her run knowing full well that I'm not a runner and although I warned her ahead of time, still took me along. It was a good, hilly, kicked-my-butt, 45-minutes-straight, run. I was so proud of myself though, LoL, 'cause I only had to walk up the last hill. I totally kept up with her and pushed myself to ignore my body's wish to quit or at least slow down and felt so good when I got home.
Then after a quick shower and an attempt to make myself 'Friday Casual', (dark and nice jeans, my favorite teal argyle sweater, pointy-toed dressy black shoes, usual makeup, hair dryed straight, jewelry that is matching-ish to itself, and my nicer book/computer bag), I headed out the door for a meeting with a professor and classmate about our project and we got a "Good Job!" from our professor- yay! He loved our lit review, (which I spent a total of at least 5 hours compiling), thought our survey we created was excellent, and gave us the go-ahead to start distributing our survey and gathering information.
Next, I was off to St. Paul to start my new 1/2 practicum; I added it on top of my usual practicum so even though I totally love that place, I can only really make it a 1/2 prac- not enough hours in the day. But it was wonderful to be back there and I went around and observed some of my kiddos from last year and made a contact with a new counseling kid and got to reconnect with some of the staff. Loved it!!
And back home for some cleaning of the kitchen and picking up of my room. Then I enjoyed a cup of coffee on my bed with Riesling in my lap while I read my morning devotional and started some class-readings, (out loud, of course, so that Riesling could learn, too, LoL!).
Time for class! I went to my Neuropsychological Assessments class and it's one of the most interesting classes taught by one of my favorite professors so even though it looks like it'll have some legit challenges to it, I'm SO excited to get to digging into the material!
Then I was headed home again, hahaha! I baked some crumpets, cleaned the bathroom, and straightened up the living room for Kristin's and my 'Tea Party'. Yup, we had a girls only, BYOM (bring your own mug), crumpet eating, tea party. LoL! It was so, so, so much fun :)

*sigh*

I ♥ Fridays!

I'd like some cheese to go with this whine, LoL!

2010-01-14T15:00:00.000-08:00

So being a grad student and working means that there is precious little time to go out and scout out any potential boyfriends. Plus, the program that I'm in is designed to keep us all together and therefore it restricts any interactions with other students at school. The times that I do go out with my friends it's usually late on a Friday or Saturday night, we go dancing, and we hit up a bar or two... While I have a good time and enjoy flirting and being a goofball, I don't really drink and I don't make out with random strangers. This, plus that fact that most people at the bar are not looking for the same things I am, makes dating people I find at bars pretty much un-doable.
I feel like I'm trapped. I'm working on finding different ways to meet new people and make new friends but the latest endeavors have proved unsuccessful. Is it too much to ask for a Christian gentleman who I find attractive? I've found some that are one or two of those things but I have yet to find someone who's all three... There's obviously more points that compile each of the those listings but I feel that even when I flex a little on the smaller things, there's just no one out there. Part of me is saying, "Don't set your standards too high!" and another part is saying, "Don't settle for less!" I just don't want to be the crazy old cat lady who talks to herself...
I look around and I see some of my friends getting married and starting families and while I know that I'm not at a place in my life where I'm ready to get married, it would be nice to at least have a boyfriend. Someone to cook dinner for and then snuggle up on the couch with. A caring ear to listen about my stresses and strong arms to hug me and make them all seem less important. It's frustrating to know what the problem is, know how to solve it, but be unable to actually go about solving it- I am lonely, I would like to meet new people and find a boyfriend, I can do that by getting out and engaging in more social activities, however there are no random social activities around me (with new people) and I don't have much free time even if there were.
I know that there are worse things in the world to deal with and I'm very thankful that this is my biggest problem right now, but that doesn't help me to feel any better about it. Hopefully this cloud will lift soon but for now I guess I'll just put on that smile and focus on helping out with problems that are worse than mine...

I think I just miss being in love.

New Year's New Plans

2010-01-07T19:57:00.001-08:00

So first of all, I don't really like using the term 'New Year's Resolution' because I feel like it has a negative connotation. Like by calling it that, people assume you plan on failing at it. That's why I call mine my New Year's New Plans. Just thought I'd share them with you all... Most are serious but some are funny and either way hopefully they put a smile on your face and maybe inspire you to go after some of your own goals this year :) Oh, and if any of you have any advice on these, please feel free to leave a comment- I would honestly appreciate it!

1) Apply myself more in everything I do.
This covers school and practicum and work and every other aspect of my life, (those are some of the most time consuming though).
At prac, I'm adding more clients to my caseload there until I have a completely full 8 hours a day of sessions whereas I used to only have about 5 a day. My goal is to prove to them that I am: knowledgeable, skilled, personable, and thankful.
In classes, I'm going to make at least one comment during the course of a class- without fail. Even if it means I simply agree with something that was said and add my two cents on, the professors will know that I'm participating. And I'm going to make an effort to not be on my computer doing things that don't pertain to the lecture as much during class...this might be a little tricky because my school-induced ADD actually diminishes when I can listen to a lecture and work on other things but since my professors don't know that (and probably wouldn't believe it) I'm going to try to minimize that. Also, I'm going to make it a point to take just about any opportunity offered to me by the faculty and older students. On that note, I'm also going to start jumping in and helping out as many research projects as I can.
With my personal life, I want to make sure that I'm loving all of my friends and family as much as I can. I am going to redouble my efforts to invite people over for my weekly 'Friendly Dinner', (where I cook a bunch of food and have people over and we sit around the table and chat and then either study together or play a group game- like a family dinner night but we're friends, hence the name, LoL). I will do everything I can to make sure that my house is always warm and welcoming, (which is a little difficult when you share a place with 3 other people who aren't really social and don't even decorate their own rooms let alone the common areas and often don't like to clean anything). And I especially hope to make sure that I help people whenever possible. A ride to the airport? No problem! Some help moving boxes? I'm there! Need some homemade cookies waiting on your doorstep after you've had a bad day? I'm your girl!

2) Organize my life.
I've always been one for organization but it's been a little haphazard and born out of desire not necessity. But if I plan on having a chance at succeeding with my first New Plan, I will HAVE to be organized. I started implementing some changes over Christmas break and I'm excited to see them put to good use! From a Life Organizer binder I put together to the new filing system I have for different types of documents, this should be great :) I even bought a label maker!!

3) Work on forgiving and forgetting wrongdoings. Even my own.
I hold myself to a high standard and by default I hold everyone else to that, too. But I need to work on being patient with people and letting them figure things out in their own time. I really try hard not to hold grudges but I still feel that bitter taste creep into my mouth when I talk about whatever happened or see that person and if I'm not careful, I start spewing mean things. So I'm going to work on actually wiping the slate clean and starting over with people.
Right now it's like a whiteboard when you write on it and the eraser leaves the faint outline of the words when you try to clean it but I'm going to work on actually getting it clean to the point where you can't see what was there before. And I'm going to do this with myself, also. Often I hold on to my mistakes and wonder what might have happened had I not messed up but I'm realizing more and more that the best thing to do is to take what you learned from it and chuck out the rest. (This includes times when I might not be doing so well keeping my New Plans, hahaha!)

4) Find an FH.
Those of you who know me and my sister pretty well know what an FH is but I'll fill everyone else in on this; an FH is a Future Husband. Now I have no plans on getting married this year or anything like that- heck I don't even have a boyfriend at this point, LoL! But I'm done with the 'dating for the sake of dating' scene. Call me old-fashioned but I'm hoping to get back to some real dating, with some structure and meaningfulness. From here on out I'm going to be very purposeful with my romantic decisions and trust that God will put a good man in my path. This also means that I'm going to work on my relationship with God so that I can be a better single woman of faith. Hopefully I'll improve on my singlehood so that when my FH shows up, not only will I know it but we'll be ready for each other.

5) Drink less coffee and take more bubble baths.
Ok, so maybe not an actual bubble bath, (I don't have a tub, LoL!), and maybe I'll just switch to decaf instead of actually giving up coffee, (because I really love the taste of it, hahaha!), but you all know what I mean. I feel like I'm always trying to force myself to have more energy and do more things and keep moving when the best thing I can do is treat myself well and let all of the energy and drive come out on its own. One thing I made sure to do was schedule a little treat for myself every couple of days in my Life Organizer- paint my nails or do a facial or deep condition my hair, stuff like that. I only have one body and if I expect it to do everything I ask, I need to make sure it's well loved and taken care of.

Alright, if I think of any more I'll post them later- (I bet you all are just giddy with anticipation, NOT! Hahaha!) But for now these are my plans. My New Year's New Plans.

Love you all!
♥

Finals Week...

2009-12-16T14:57:00.000-08:00

So I have to credit my pastor back at WSU for this one. I miss that guy; truly a man with a heart after God! :)

’TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE FINALS AT WSU

’Twas the night before finals at WSU,
This once quiet campus has become chaotic zoo,
There was moaning and groaning, all through the college,
Students were praying for last minute knowledge,
Most were exhausted and sleepy, yet none touched their beds,
As visions of essays danced in their heads.

Across campus no cheer squad, no pep band, no Butch to be found,
But darkness and coldness and snow did abound.
Whether Stephenson or Coman or Goldsworthy Hall,
Students, anxious and stressed, were cramming, in them all.
Their books were spread on their tables with care,
In hopes that skill and ability would suddenly be there.

I, in my room, had been franticly pacing,
Dreading those exams that I soon would be facing.
My roommate not speaking, her nose in her books,
And my comments to her drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, and brewed a new pot,
No longer caring that my nerves were all shot.

I stared at my notes, but my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went a blur, I just couldn't study.
“Some pizza might help,” I said with a shiver,
But each place I called refused to deliver.
I’d nearly concluded that life was too cruel,
With futures depending on grades made in school.

When all of a sudden, the door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off ambled inside.
He wore a white toga, his manner was mellow,
His spirit was careless, he started to bellow:
“What kind of student would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers, what they first tossed at us?

On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, and Last Minute Crams!
From the top of Bryan Tower , down Glenn Terrell Mall,
From Johnson to Wilson to Abelson Hall.
Those papers and projects, be they large or small,
Hand them in, toss them in, be done with them all.”

Having said what he said, he turned with a jerk,
For there was much to do, we both had our work.
His message delivered, he was gone from our sight,
Then we heard him exclaim outside in the night.
“Get after your studies and give it your best.
Happy Finals to all, and to all, a good test!”

How many tears does it take to rip the fabric?

2009-12-11T09:14:00.001-08:00

So lately I've been feeling a little torn and lost in my world. I know it's a small thing to be dealing with and that there are so many other bigger problems in the world but this is my blog and if I want to struggle through things here, I can. So there. *hands on hips* ;)

I feel like there's two different themes running through my brain and I'm not succeeding in being both and I can't pick one. One says that I need to be me and enjoy life and not live with regrets. The other says I need to be the best student I can be and spend all of my free time studying to get ahead of everyone so that I can get a good internship. I've been trying to balance them and I thought I was doing well but then I look at some of the other people in my class and they are either one or the other. Nobody really has the 'both' thing down. And that makes me question whether or not I can do it. Any suggestions?

On a lighter note, this week I not only finished decorating my townhouse but I baked some cookies and wrapped presents. And today I'm headed to SalemHome to help my momma clean and decorate and get food ready for their Pinochle group that's coming over on Saturday night. After that, it's time for Christmas party with some friends~ Yay for tonight! :D

Next week is finals and one is a take home and the other is an in-class exam. Two finals this semester. Not bad!

Hello Blog World :)

2009-12-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

This is my maiden voyage into the blogging realm and so far, so good! I'm excited to start getting this whole thing figured out and I'll be posting more soon.

Loves to you all!